It’s amazing how time flies. We’re already beginning the 2nd half of our beloved NFL season,  So of course, it’s time to see how your favorite team fared midway through the 2011 season. Only, instead of giving actual grades, I’m breaking them up in categories. Same analysis as ESPN, but better because it’s not so formal. So without further ado…. the midseason report cards.

F*ck It, I’m On One!: Green Bay Packers

The Packers deserve a column of their own. As far as NFL class goes, there’s the Packers and then there’s everyone else. No one is touching them right now and to be honest, I don’t know who will. Aaron Rodgers is playing like he’s possessed right about now. I like Green Bay but the little hater in me says they need to sit their bragging asses down somewhere. No reason why I feel that way, I’m just a little green and tired of seeing them win.

They Are Who We Thought They Were:  Pittsburgh Steelers, New England Patriots

The Steelers started out old and slow, but they’ve finally got the ball rolling. They’ve been on fire the past few weeks, and have picked up from last season, thanks to the emergence of guys like Mike Wallace and Emmanuel Sanders. The Patriots make this list because they’re still a team of concern if they’re on your schedule, but they can’t stop a nose bleed (Bart Scott voice) so unless they figure out to stop good teams, they may be in trouble….

Well I’ll Be John Brown (c/o @DragonflyJonez): Cincinnati Bengals, San Francisco 49ers, Detroit Lions, Buffalo Bills

I dedicate this category to my Twitter buddy, who always uses this term at the right time and better than anybody I know. Most of us looked at contenders for 2011 and didn’t think about any of these teams, for a lot of reasons. New players, lockout hangover, inconsistent or not good in years past…. for whatever reason, unless you were a fan of these teams, they simply weren’t on your radar. Well I’ll be John Brown if they aren’t now. The Bengals are 5-2 with a Top 5 defense and have shown success with Andy Dalton and AJ Green. The 49ers changed their coaching staff and brought in Jim Harbaugh and have only lost one game so far, even giving Alex Smith some life. And the Bills, who had every bounce against them in 2010 despite playing hard, are finally getting the ball in their court. The Lions are probably the least bit shocking, since they finished 2010 strong. But it’s the Lions…. you still haven’t forgotten about 0-16 and Matt Stafford gets hurt if you blow on him hard enough. Alas, no bad karma and all teams are doing big things

They’re Good, BUT……..: Baltimore Ravens, New York Giants, San Diego Chargers, Houston Texans, New York Jets, New Orleans Saints, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Atlanta Falcons 

These teams have a winning record so they’re good based on record but we really have no idea what to expect for the 2nd half of the season. The Ravens have beaten quality opponents in Pittsburgh, Houston and the Jets, but have crapped the pot against teams they should have beaten in Tennessee and Jacksonville…… The Giants are decent, but their schedule the next 6 weeks is beyond brutal and one has to wonder will the injuries they have finally start to catch up….. The Chargers are actually starting out with a winning record for once, but QB Philip Rivers (my boo!) hasn’t looked like the Rivers of old, and fumbled control of the AFC West away last Monday night……. The Texans are good, but losing Mario Williams for the year and Andre Johnson for some time may hurt them in the long run…..The Jets have seemed to regress a little on defense, and Mark Sanchez not getting much help from his run game is an issue…..The Saints WERE in my “They are who we thought they were” column, but they lost to the Rams, The WINLESS ST. LOUIS RAMS, WITHOUT SAM BRADFORD! Yeah, they go down a notch after that one….. The Bucs have youth on their side, but their lopsided loss to San Francisco puts them in this category….. Atlanta always leaves me scratching my head at the end of their games. With all of the offensive weapons they have, I don’t see how they don’t put up 30 points easily, each week. They have some inexperience on defense that holds them to this category.

Ehhhhh……………..: Chicago Bears, Philadelphia Eagles, Dallas Cowboys, Kansas City Chiefs, Oakland Raiders, Carolina Panthers, Tennessee Titans

It’s not that I don’t think these teams are good or can’t be good… it’s just that I couldn’t add them in the “They’re good but” category because they’ve done something not worthy of that category. The Bears’ offensive line blocks like Cutler stole their girl……The Eagles started out slow, and with the “Dream Team” talk prior to the season, expectations were above normal so their 3-4 record is underachieving at best… The Cowboys need a TV time out with the way they’ve played football lately. I thought they’d be better than this at this point. I haven;t totally written them off, tho. They have talent….. The Chiefs started off rough (remember Matt Cassel’s blow up with HC Todd Haley on the sidelines??), but they’ve rebounded well. It’s the AFC West so it’s hard to be impressed just yet…..The Raiders looked like they were gonna have a good season before Jason Campbell went down. Oakland traded their 2012 #1 pick and a conditional pick to Cincy for Carson Palmer, but all Palmer did was stink it up in his debut. He’s not the same QB he was before 2005 and quite frankly, I wonder if Al Davis came back from the dead to make one last WTF personnel decision… Despite Carolina’s record, I’m gonna put them in this column because I seriously believe they try hard each and every week, yet fall short. This team reminds me a lot of Buffalo’s team last season. They hang in there, but can’t get the “W” in the end. I can’t be mad at that. They should be added in my next group but I love their resilience. The Titans are here by default, because they have a good record. But Chris Johnson got paid and told the Titans, “Fcuk your couch”. He’s still holding out but we didn’t know until now. With Kenny Britt going down, that hurt big time for Tennessee. Good thing is, the AFC South could be a 2-man race, and they’re still in it.

“Insert Comment Here”: Cleveland Browns, Seattle Seahawks, Jacksonville Jaguars, Minnesota Vikings, Arizona Cardinals, Washington Redskins

Face it- these teams’ style of play are boring and uninspiring more times than not (minus the Vikings the past 2 weeks. But that’s because Ponder now has the keys). Put yourself in my shoes…. What could you possibly say about any of these teams individually that doesn’t sound like the others in this group? Can’t figure it out? Me neither. So feel free to insert your own comment here.

Bad…. Real Bad Michael Jackson: Indianapolis Colts, St. Louis Rams, Miami Dolphins, Denver Broncos

I guess this group could be called the “Suck For Luck” lottery, but that’s unoriginal and overused at this point. These 4 teams stink and I’d bet my money on LSU or Alabama if they played any of these teams at this point. Probably the worst team of them all is Indy. Never have I seen a franchise fall so fast from one key player going down. That’s a direct reflection of the GM and ownership and it’s inexcusable. The Rams have some good pieces and aren’t AS bad as Indy (not saying much), but their defense isn’t that good, particularly their secondary (although they did hold NO to one offensive TD in Sunday’s win) and there isn’t a true #1 WR on the team. The Dolphins need a new makeover, period. Not only did you celebrate the FLORIDA GATORS championship in MIAMI HURRICANES-land, you let Tim Tebow beat you in the Final 5 minutes of the same game. Yeah, you suck, Miami…….. Speaking of Tebow, he is getting KILT in the media (yeah, I said it… not killed, but KILT!) on what most of us already knew: Great college player, lots of heart and passion, not going to translate into the NFL. It’s been a while since I’ve seen so much attention lay on one guy like this. Denver officially came into the Top 5 pick race as of Sunday.

Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall is in intensive care this morning after allegedly being stabbed by a woman, according to ESPN. A source close to Marshall’s situation said that he would be “okay”.

Marshall’s wife Michi Nogami-Campbell has been arrested with one charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Marshall married Nogami-Campbell last April.

This isn’t the first time Marshall and his wife Nogami-Campbell were in the news. In 2009 they were both arrested for disorderly conduct for allegedly fighting with each other. Those charges were later dropped.

Hopefully for Marshall this is an isolated incident. He’s had a history of arrests in the past including disorderly conduct and has been accused numerous times for domestic violence.

S/O to Omar Kelly and @AngryBlkManDC for doing the research and putting it out there!

Sorry Giants fans. Looks like the former Giants WR isn’t looking for a reunion in the Big Apple. Plaxico Burress is set to be released this June after doing a 2 year stint for the famous self inflicted wound heard around the league back in 2008. But Burress wants a warm weather city to start his comeback campaign.

It’s been reported that Plax is looking to play closer to his Miami, FL. home, possibly wanting to play in Miami, Jacksonville or Tampa Bay. A possible acquisition to any of the 3 teams could be a big boost in the WR groups.

Miami- On opposite side of Brandon Marshall, brings 2 big threats

Tampa Bay- could help develop emerging stars Mike Williams and Arrelious Benn

Jacksonville- Could be an immediate impact to roster, in part because the most known player in the WR group is Mike Sims-Walker. Don’t know who he is, either? Google may help.

There’s no telling if any of these teams would have a vested interest in Burress once he is released. He’s stated that he’s lost about 14 pounds since being in prison, but if you ask me it looks more like 30 pounds. While I’m sure Plax is in great shape, you have to wonder how fast can he get back into “football shape”. I wish Burress nothing but the best. I’m sure one of those teams would welcome him with open arms.

Awwww, yes he did!!!! Lions C Dominic Raiola was a little TOO excited after yesterday’s win over the Miami Dolphins. Going through the tunnel at the end of the game, Raiola was being heckled by the home crowd. That’s when he decided to tell them to… well…… watch the video:

Well, alright!!!!

According to NFL Fanhouse, this isn’t the first time Raiola has gotten out of pocket with fans. Back in 2008, the Lions fined him $7,500 for making an obscene gesture toward Lions fans after the team got booed off the field in Detroit following its 13th loss of the season. Hell, 13 losses sounds boo worthy to me. I’m kidding…. kinda.

Maybe his adrenaline takes a long time going down after games… or maybe he’s a total douche bag. In any event, Raiola should look forward to action either by his team or the league. You can’t just go around telling people to do that. Granted, fans can be really harsh, but you smile, do a Miss America wave for beating them in THEIR stadium, and keep it moving.

This by far is one of my most random posts to date. I have a lot to cover in so little time LOL!

Tonight is another edition of Thursday Night Football, as the Chicago Bears take their talents to South Beach (and I don’t mean partying) to face the Miami Dolphins (-1). The Dolphins just received their first home win last Sunday against the Titans 29-17, and look to make it two in a row with Tyler Thigpen, the team’s 3rd string QB, as their starter.

Miami went through a series of Wildcat plays last week after QBs Chad Pennington and Chad Henne both went down. The result was still victorious for Miami, and Thigpin is actually a decent backup, going back to last year when he played. Still, I think the Chicago Bears will find a way to expose Thigpen’s inexperience as a starter, along with the taking out the effectiveness in the Wildcat formation.

I still think this Dolphins team is a decent one, but I’m gonna have to go with the Bears this week.

Winner:

Yesterday, I made a guest appearance on the Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show that the guys over at Ed The Sports Fan host every Wednesday night. ETSF contributor Kenny AKA Mr. Soulonice asked me to tell this story I tweeted about a few days ago, about my son’s meeting with Ravens WR Anquan Boldin. While I thought the story was just… okay, folks seemed to really like this story. If you want to hear what I said on the show, check out this video that ETSF put together:

The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show Highlights – 11/17/10 from Eddie Maisonet on Vimeo.

And finally, if you missed Gridiron Gals Radio earlier this week, Pigskin Loving Lady and I talked about the resurgence of Michael Vick, what teams are really the heavyweights in the AFC and we had a little argument about the bitchassness of Mr. Terrell Owens. If you missed the show, check it out by listening right here:

Hope everyone enjoys tonight’s game. The rest of my picks will be available tomorrow, as usual!

Without a doubt, Week 10 of the NFL was probably one of the best weeks in football in a while. Hail Mary passes, record breaking games and unexpected wins flooded our headlines this past weekend.

As you know, I usually give my Ravens first dibs on my blog space. I love my guys in purple and black and they deserve my fandom, but that game was damn near 7 days ago. Good game, but they lost. And as of right now, someone else has earned the floor. His name??? Michael Vick.

Last night, Michael Vick played like he was out of his freaking mind last night, becoming the first player in NFL history with at least 300 yards passing, 50 yards rushing, four passing touchdowns and two rushing touchdowns in a game. In a day that Donovan McNabb should have had reason to have a great game (He just signed a $78 million contract extension), it was Vick who stole the show. It was a great sight to see, from the first play of scrimmage until the very end. Andy Reid should be thanking the football gods for saving his fat behind, because now he looks like a genius. Even though McNabb was traded in favor of Kolb, Vick has taken full control of this Eagles team and looks like a different QB than the one that played for the Falcons. And to add to the great night, Vick has this to say on Twitter this morning:

So, so true. Oh sweet redemption! Good for you, Vick!

OT: With McNabb’s astronomical contract extension, one has to wonder how much Vick is actually worth?? As of right now, he’s the better QB than McNabb and he will be a free agent this offseason. Philly has a lot to ponder in what to do, since they extended Kolb’s contract. But if they don’t want to pay him, there are tons of other teams that could use Vick’s services right now. And I don’t even want to think about how much Peyton Manning will receive, all thanks to McNabb’s new contract. But Vick and Manning deserve it. The jury is still out on McNabb on whether or not he was worthy of the contract.

I’m loving the way the Browns are playing right now. Granted, they lost to the Jets at the end of OT on Sunday, but they lost to a very good Jets team and held their own thru 5 quarters. No longer a pushover team, the Browns have a lot to build from, for the future.

Dear Buffalo: It’s about damn time! I bet you made a Soul Train line all the way through the tunnel after that game, too!

You should have. You earned that win weeks ago. Congrats to you.

The Bengals are sad…………………………………………….. That’s all I got!

Was anyone else in awe- and shock- like I was when Tom Brady picked the great Steelers defense apart, piece by piece, on Sunday night? I picked the Pats to win the game, but never did I think they would win like that. Brady had 30 completions, 350 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs, 0 sacks and a passer rating of 117.9. It’s no secret that Brady knows how to win in Heinz Field, winning 4 out of 5 at Heinz Field, but to embarrass a very good team, in similar fashion that Cleveland did to them just the week before, was poetic. This is why you love the NFL. Good teams know how to redeem themselves against a quality opponent.

Can someone explain to me how the Titans allowed the Dolphins to beat them with NO QB’s?? NONE? Did I miss something? Out goes Henne and Pennington, in comes the wildcat. Seven plays, 49 yards and that’s before the 3rd string QB came in.The Titans were hurting on the QB side as well, as Kerry Collins left the game with a calf injury. But Tennessee has Chris Johnson, Randy Moss and Kenny Britt. How they allowed themselves to lose to a team that went through a series of wildcats is a mystery to me.

XP: Chad Pennington, PLEASE retire! Now is the time, please and thanks.

Signed, The NFL and their fans…..

The Cowboys saw… the Cowboys came… and the Cowboys conquered.. in the Meadowlands. Congrats to Dallas and their win over the NY Giants after their controversial firing of Wade Phillips. They played with a purpose and looked good on all sides of the ball, the first complete game I’ve seen of Dallas all season. I just have one question though…. am I the only one that wonders if Jason Garrett set Wade Phillips up??? Just me?? Okay…………………………..

How petty is Todd Haley for not shaking Josh McDaniels hand? Very petty, but I have to say, I love it. The Broncos-Chiefs rivalry was on life support until the Broncos shellacked the Chiefs, 49-29.

“The Snub” handshake situation makes this even more interesting, and now the AFC West rivalries have some life again. Haley wouldn’t say what was said during their postgame chat, and he later apologized for not shaking his hand (he says his emotions got in his way), but Haley knows damn gooden well he’s not sorry. Don’t be petty AND fake. Be real in your underwear and leave it at that.

By-the-way, welcome back  Chiefs and Texans:

One thing I learned about photos and video: They never lie. Maybe they add a few pounds to your frame, but they never lie.

Yesterday after the Ravens 26-10 victory over the Dolphins, Miami LB Channing Crowder claimed that Ravens FB Le’Ron McClain spit in his face as he crossed the line of scrimmage during a time out. When asked about the allegations, McClain said he didn’t do such act.

“I’m not that type of player. If he’s frustrated that I was straight getting after him all game, that’s a fact. That’s his opinion if he thought I spit on him, but the fact is, throughout the game, for four quarters, I was doing my job. And I’ll just leave it at that.”

But I found some footage that may say otherwise……

From the looks of this footage, McClain either has a HUGE emphasis on a choice word, or he attempts to spit on Crowder. Judging by Crowder’s response, I think it’s the latter.

This isn’t the first time McClain has had an outburst. McClain pushed Patriots LB Jermaine Cunningham during the Ravens-Patriots game. The shove cost the team a personal foul for 15 yards, and the Patriots eventually won the game 23-20 in OT.

Everyone knows I’m a Ravens fan, but I’ll be the last person to defend such behavior, no matter the player. Channing Crowder is probably a douche bag, because he’s had run-ins with other players before (remember when Patriots OL Matt Light punched him??).

But spitting on someone is the lowest of all lows and shouldn’t be tolerated. I expect this to be reviewed and McClain will probably be fined and possibly suspended. Maybe my eyes deceive me, maybe he was trying to talk it out. But it looks like a serious addition of “When Keeping It Real Goes REALLY Wrong”.

This just gets uglier and uglier. Earlier in the week, Dolphins LB Channing Crowder called Ravens WR Derrick Mason an, “old man” when referring to him in media conference calls. Mason then responded and said that Crowder was still, “peeing on himself when I was playing football”. Well, after the Ravens 26-10 win over the Dolphins, Mason kept the party going.

Mason took it a little further, with things said that weren’t caught on camera. When discussing Crowder even more, Mason went IN on the Dolphins LB.

Before I post this quote, you have to read this aloud, while playing this song. The effect isn’t the same without it:

Okay are you ready? Wait until the beat comes in. Aaaaaaaaaannnnd……….. GO!

“I don’t even think they want him on this team, but they have nobody to replace him, so he has to be there. They took him out of the game, they played a little bit better. [When] he’s in the game, he’s getting knocked down, he’s getting pushed out of the way. The guy is horrible. Honestly, the guy is horrible. He’s probably a good guy. I’m not taking that away from him, but he’s horrible. He’s not a good football player. Honestly, he needs to go back and watch the film and humble himself and just play the next game and not say anything.”

WOW!!!

Mason had a quiet day, 4 receptions, 42 yards, but had a big TD catch to put the Ravens up 20-10, which began to pull the game out of reach.

Crowder didn’t have much to say about Mason after the game, but he had plenty to say about Ravens FB Le’ron McClain, accusing him of spitting in his face.

“He spit in my face and that’s the reason I got mad. He’s a bitch-ass punk. Write that.”

Well alright!!!! I’m sure McClain got the memo by now!

If I had to guess, Crowder isn’t even thinking about Mason after allegedly being spit on. But in any event, Old Man Mason got the last laugh.

Remember Cleo Lemon? No? Okay, well let me remind you. Lemon was an undrafted free agent that played for the San Diego Chargers, Miami Dolphins and Jacksonville Jaguars during his NFL career.

Lemon has since taken his football talents (or lack thereof) to the CFL, where he is the starting QB for the Toronto Argonauts. He’s helped his team clinch their first playoff spot since 2007. Lemon does a great impersonation of former Colts head coach Jim Mora when asked about the “P” word:

Lemon has 12 TDs and 17 INTs, while completing 62% of his passes for the season.  His numbers aren’t great but hey, they are playoff bound and he played a big part in it!

If you don’t remember Lemon’s defining moment in his NFL career, let me remind you. He was the Dolphins’ QB in 2007, when they defeated the Ravens, getting their only win of that season. Lemon threw a quick slant to Greg Camarillo as the Dolphins beat the Ravens, 22-16.  I was in Miami to see that game live, and I felt like someone stole Xmas after that loss. That day, Lemon was 23/39 for 315 yards and the game winning TD in OT:

I’m sick just watching it all over again, even after 3 years. Oh well…. maybe Lemon can muster up that same magic in the CFL playoffs.

I swear, I think I’ve said this to Brandon Marshall before. But alas, I must say this again to the Dolphins WR. It seems that Mr. Marshall isn’t too happy with constructive criticism. On the new edition of the NFL Network’s “Playbook” show, Mike Mayock, Sterling Sharpe and Solomon Wilcots talk a little about Marshall and his play against the NY Jets this past Monday night. All 3 analysts implied that during the last offensive series in the Monday Night game, Marshall looked to be fatigued, and lost a bit of steam when the game was on the line.

Well, word got back to Marshall and he wasn’t too happy about being critiqued by the guys on the show. When told about the segment, Marshall had this to say:

“Those guys are players, former players. They never coached. So they need to continue to do what they do best and stop worrying about other things that they don’t know anything about.

“What those guys are saying, that’s just them trying to sound good and sound like they know what they’re talking about. … I don’t honestly think those guys were elite players, including Sterling Sharpe. I got to turn on the film and see what he was able to do. I know he’s done some good things, but from my understanding he’s not a Hall of Fame guy.”

WHOA KIMOSABE! Slow your role, tiger!

Did Marshall really just say that?! Poor Lil Tink Tink… They hurt his wittew feewings….

Apparently Marshall doesn’t know as much about football as I thought he did, so let me break it down real quick.

In 7 short seasons in the NFL, Sharpe was a 5-time Pro Bowler and a 3-time First-Team All-Pro selection. He lead the league in receptions 3 times, TDs two times and yardage once throughout his career.  And if Marshall didn’t know before, Sharpe did all of this while going into early retirement, due to njuries.

What has Marshall done, entering his 5th season? Oh nothing… just 2 Pro Bowl selections. Not to take away his accomplishments, but I think it’s safe to say that Marshall has a ways to go to even get on Sterling Sharpe’s level, let alone talk about him not being a Hall-Of-Famer.

Maybe Marshall didn’t get the memo. Those analysts are PAID to discuss their opinion on all things football, just like you are PAID to play the game of football. No need to take it personal. And if you do, talk to the men directly, don’t use the media as an outlet to spew bitchassness at people who are simply doing their job.

Brand Marshall, go Sitcho Bitter Azz Down!