It’s amazing how time flies. We’re already beginning the 2nd half of our beloved NFL season,  So of course, it’s time to see how your favorite team fared midway through the 2011 season. Only, instead of giving actual grades, I’m breaking them up in categories. Same analysis as ESPN, but better because it’s not so formal. So without further ado…. the midseason report cards.

F*ck It, I’m On One!: Green Bay Packers

The Packers deserve a column of their own. As far as NFL class goes, there’s the Packers and then there’s everyone else. No one is touching them right now and to be honest, I don’t know who will. Aaron Rodgers is playing like he’s possessed right about now. I like Green Bay but the little hater in me says they need to sit their bragging asses down somewhere. No reason why I feel that way, I’m just a little green and tired of seeing them win.

They Are Who We Thought They Were:  Pittsburgh Steelers, New England Patriots

The Steelers started out old and slow, but they’ve finally got the ball rolling. They’ve been on fire the past few weeks, and have picked up from last season, thanks to the emergence of guys like Mike Wallace and Emmanuel Sanders. The Patriots make this list because they’re still a team of concern if they’re on your schedule, but they can’t stop a nose bleed (Bart Scott voice) so unless they figure out to stop good teams, they may be in trouble….

Well I’ll Be John Brown (c/o @DragonflyJonez): Cincinnati Bengals, San Francisco 49ers, Detroit Lions, Buffalo Bills

I dedicate this category to my Twitter buddy, who always uses this term at the right time and better than anybody I know. Most of us looked at contenders for 2011 and didn’t think about any of these teams, for a lot of reasons. New players, lockout hangover, inconsistent or not good in years past…. for whatever reason, unless you were a fan of these teams, they simply weren’t on your radar. Well I’ll be John Brown if they aren’t now. The Bengals are 5-2 with a Top 5 defense and have shown success with Andy Dalton and AJ Green. The 49ers changed their coaching staff and brought in Jim Harbaugh and have only lost one game so far, even giving Alex Smith some life. And the Bills, who had every bounce against them in 2010 despite playing hard, are finally getting the ball in their court. The Lions are probably the least bit shocking, since they finished 2010 strong. But it’s the Lions…. you still haven’t forgotten about 0-16 and Matt Stafford gets hurt if you blow on him hard enough. Alas, no bad karma and all teams are doing big things

They’re Good, BUT……..: Baltimore Ravens, New York Giants, San Diego Chargers, Houston Texans, New York Jets, New Orleans Saints, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Atlanta Falcons 

These teams have a winning record so they’re good based on record but we really have no idea what to expect for the 2nd half of the season. The Ravens have beaten quality opponents in Pittsburgh, Houston and the Jets, but have crapped the pot against teams they should have beaten in Tennessee and Jacksonville…… The Giants are decent, but their schedule the next 6 weeks is beyond brutal and one has to wonder will the injuries they have finally start to catch up….. The Chargers are actually starting out with a winning record for once, but QB Philip Rivers (my boo!) hasn’t looked like the Rivers of old, and fumbled control of the AFC West away last Monday night……. The Texans are good, but losing Mario Williams for the year and Andre Johnson for some time may hurt them in the long run…..The Jets have seemed to regress a little on defense, and Mark Sanchez not getting much help from his run game is an issue…..The Saints WERE in my “They are who we thought they were” column, but they lost to the Rams, The WINLESS ST. LOUIS RAMS, WITHOUT SAM BRADFORD! Yeah, they go down a notch after that one….. The Bucs have youth on their side, but their lopsided loss to San Francisco puts them in this category….. Atlanta always leaves me scratching my head at the end of their games. With all of the offensive weapons they have, I don’t see how they don’t put up 30 points easily, each week. They have some inexperience on defense that holds them to this category.

Ehhhhh……………..: Chicago Bears, Philadelphia Eagles, Dallas Cowboys, Kansas City Chiefs, Oakland Raiders, Carolina Panthers, Tennessee Titans

It’s not that I don’t think these teams are good or can’t be good… it’s just that I couldn’t add them in the “They’re good but” category because they’ve done something not worthy of that category. The Bears’ offensive line blocks like Cutler stole their girl……The Eagles started out slow, and with the “Dream Team” talk prior to the season, expectations were above normal so their 3-4 record is underachieving at best… The Cowboys need a TV time out with the way they’ve played football lately. I thought they’d be better than this at this point. I haven;t totally written them off, tho. They have talent….. The Chiefs started off rough (remember Matt Cassel’s blow up with HC Todd Haley on the sidelines??), but they’ve rebounded well. It’s the AFC West so it’s hard to be impressed just yet…..The Raiders looked like they were gonna have a good season before Jason Campbell went down. Oakland traded their 2012 #1 pick and a conditional pick to Cincy for Carson Palmer, but all Palmer did was stink it up in his debut. He’s not the same QB he was before 2005 and quite frankly, I wonder if Al Davis came back from the dead to make one last WTF personnel decision… Despite Carolina’s record, I’m gonna put them in this column because I seriously believe they try hard each and every week, yet fall short. This team reminds me a lot of Buffalo’s team last season. They hang in there, but can’t get the “W” in the end. I can’t be mad at that. They should be added in my next group but I love their resilience. The Titans are here by default, because they have a good record. But Chris Johnson got paid and told the Titans, “Fcuk your couch”. He’s still holding out but we didn’t know until now. With Kenny Britt going down, that hurt big time for Tennessee. Good thing is, the AFC South could be a 2-man race, and they’re still in it.

“Insert Comment Here”: Cleveland Browns, Seattle Seahawks, Jacksonville Jaguars, Minnesota Vikings, Arizona Cardinals, Washington Redskins

Face it- these teams’ style of play are boring and uninspiring more times than not (minus the Vikings the past 2 weeks. But that’s because Ponder now has the keys). Put yourself in my shoes…. What could you possibly say about any of these teams individually that doesn’t sound like the others in this group? Can’t figure it out? Me neither. So feel free to insert your own comment here.

Bad…. Real Bad Michael Jackson: Indianapolis Colts, St. Louis Rams, Miami Dolphins, Denver Broncos

I guess this group could be called the “Suck For Luck” lottery, but that’s unoriginal and overused at this point. These 4 teams stink and I’d bet my money on LSU or Alabama if they played any of these teams at this point. Probably the worst team of them all is Indy. Never have I seen a franchise fall so fast from one key player going down. That’s a direct reflection of the GM and ownership and it’s inexcusable. The Rams have some good pieces and aren’t AS bad as Indy (not saying much), but their defense isn’t that good, particularly their secondary (although they did hold NO to one offensive TD in Sunday’s win) and there isn’t a true #1 WR on the team. The Dolphins need a new makeover, period. Not only did you celebrate the FLORIDA GATORS championship in MIAMI HURRICANES-land, you let Tim Tebow beat you in the Final 5 minutes of the same game. Yeah, you suck, Miami…….. Speaking of Tebow, he is getting KILT in the media (yeah, I said it… not killed, but KILT!) on what most of us already knew: Great college player, lots of heart and passion, not going to translate into the NFL. It’s been a while since I’ve seen so much attention lay on one guy like this. Denver officially came into the Top 5 pick race as of Sunday.

He’s baaaaaaaaaaccccckk.. in jail that is. Bengals CB Adam “Pacman” Jones was arrested early Sunday morning for resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. According to the Cincinnati Enquirer, here’s what happened:

Police responded to 639 Walnut St. for a report of a fight while working a detail at the location. Police said inside the bar Jones was disorderly and shouting profanities. He was escorted outside and asked to calm down but continued being disruptive, police said.

Police told Jones he was under arrest but he resisted, tightening his arms and pulling away.

Pacman Jones and trouble seem to go hand in hand. Since entering the league in 2005, Jones has been questioned, named or arrested in connection with at least 14 off-field incidents. However since joining the Bengals, Jones was pretty quiet when it came to the law.

The reason for the neck brace in the mugshot is due to a football related injury. Jones had surgery last season and went from a hard to the soft neck brace (pictured), last April.

He needs to sit his ass down somewhere, especially in that brace.

Titans WR Kenny Britt may or may not have been arrested last night in Hoboken, NJ. While Hoboken Police have yet to confirm or deny this story, Musiccitymiracles.com has found a court date listed for Britt for June 16th regarding a recent arrest.

According to their website, here are the details of the new arrest:

Britt, now of Brentwood, Tenn., was arrested last night at Willow Avenue and 15th Street by Hoboken narcotics officers and charged with two counts of resisting arrest, official said today.

Britt was issued a summons and ordered to appear on the charges at 1 p.m. on June 16 in Central Judicial Processing Court in Jersey City, according to court papers.

The complaint says Britt “did purposely prevent or attempt to prevent a public servant from lawfully performing an official function by means of force or violence, specifically by refusing to open your hand when ordered to do so then pulling your hand away.”

It goes on to say Britt is charged with using his body “to push away from the officers” and pulled away his arm “while not allowing the officers to handcuff” him.

One count is a disorderly persons offense but the second is a third-degree crime, which carries a possible sentence of 3 to 5 years in prison upon conviction.

Hoboken police have refused to release any information on the charges against Britt, and would not even confirm he was charged.

If Britt actually was arrested, this almost certainly means trouble whenever the NFL resumes business. Britt has been arrested in the past (5th arrest or investigation in 17 months) and just this past Tuesday, pleaded guilty to careless driving charges Tuesday in New Jersey and was fined $478 and had four points added to his Tennessee driver’s license. He needs to sit his azz down somewhere.

It’s a shame because Britt has a lot of talent, but can’t seem to stay out of trouble. On another note, the Titans sure do know how to pick them. Pacman Jones, Kenny Britt and if you want to add Vince Young in there for the sake of argument, you can. The Titans may part ways with Britt sooner than later, but they also need to re-evaluate their draft strategies.

San Francisco 49ers WR Michael Crabtree is a great talent with potential to be a huge contributor with his organization. And Michael Crabtree also has a LOT of growing up to do.

After informal workouts, Crabtree was asked by reporters if he thought catching passes from Smith was important to building chemistry. Crabtree responded, “Who’s the quarterback?”

When the reporter inserted free agent Alex Smith’s name, Crabtree said, “He’s the quarterback? I’m just asking.”

In the words of Chris Hanson….

Sir… have a seat!

While Crabtree’s comments weren’t a blatant shot at Smith, the tone was loud and clear. And while Smith may not return to San Francisco next year, Crabtree should refrain from speaking…. for as long as he can.

His comments were heard loud and clear by his teammates, head coach and organization. He’s a diva WR who hasn’t even done anything on a professional level to earn that title yet. Alex Smith isn’t Aaron Rodgers by any means (sorry to bring that up 9ers fans), but as of right now he is still a part of the team. Not liking a player is one thing, but taking subliminal shots at them are another, especially when you still have to prove yourself as a player.

Sitcho immature azz down, Michael Crabtree!

Buffalo Bills WR Steve Johnson has been a great asset to the team and stepped up big time for the Bills this season. He’s on pace to have over 1,100 receiving yards and 13 TDs. With the Bills playing hard nosed football every Sunday, Johnson has become the go-to guy for QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and deserves great praise for Buffalo fans to forget they ever had Terrell Owens.

But yesterday, Steve Johnson needed to sit his azz down!

The Bill faced the Steelers in what turned into a nail biting game that went into overtime. With 10:38 remaining in OT, Fitzpatrick threw, what would have been a 40-yard TD pass to Johnson and would have been the game winner for the Bills, their 3rd straight.
So what does Johnson do? He drops the ball…… literally…

The Steelers went on to win the game, 19-16.

After the game, Johnson said that he would never get over dropping the TD pass. But he took it too far when he decided to put his frustrations out on Twitter, blaming God for his struggles:

Ummm…. okay!

Okay, Mr. Johnson. Since you are a man of faith, I’ll go there with you for a sec.  You need to be thanking God that you are even in the NFL to begin with. Do you know millions of guys would LOVE to be in your position right now, win or lose? The fact that you were one of the few that actually had your dreams come true is a blessing within itself. To blame a higher power for your faults is immature. Accept responsibility, here. YOU dropped the ball. Own up to it, learn from it and move on.

Steve Johnson, Sitcho Blame-Everybody-But-Me Azz Down!!!

More like STFU! I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of Terrell Owens and his mouth being in everyone else’s business this season. I haven’t told someone to sit their ass down in a minute, so this is the perfect time to do so.

The Bengals WR once again has found a way to be relevant in off-the-field NFL news, despite being on a team that’s 2-8. Just a week ago, Owens criticized Redskins QB Donovan McNabb after Washington was embarrassed by Philly on MNF, 59-28, asking how do you justify a $78 million contract with that type of performance. And now the insults just keep on rolling in.

Speaking to reporters this Tuesday, Owens came out and said that Jets WR Darrelle Revis is, “an average corner”. Revis will be playing opposite Owens during Thursday Night’s game, as the Bengals take on the Jets.

Oh……………………………….okay!

But T.O. didn’t stop there. When talking about the Richard Seymour-Ben Roethlisberger incident, Owens called Big Ben soft, saying that a hockey player would keep on ticking.

And in case you didn’t watch last Sunday’s Bills-Bengals game, Owens was seen jawing at CB Leodis McKelvin, whom he had beat twice (the Bengals were still in a comfortable lead).That was enough to spark anger amongst the Bills, who eventually defeated the Bengals, 49-31.

I’ve had enough of this buffoonery. But before I go in on this topic, let’s get this out of the way about Owens. Terrell Owens is a great WR and athlete overall. He’s having another good year to further pad his stats for a HOF bid when he retires. One can never question his dedication and passion for football.On the field, Owens is still a force to reckon with, without a doubt.

Now to the reality….. while you’re padding your stats, you’re on an underachieving team that sucks major ass right now. The Bengals were supposed to be making a Super Bowl run, instead they are one of the worst teams in the NFL with a 2-8 record. To put your mouth in other people’s business isn’t a good look right now.

Why do you care about McNabb so much, even after all these years? If I had to guess, McNabb could care less about what you do. Why is one grown man into another grown man’s pockets and/or business? Worry about what YOUR pockets will look like after this season, when you become a free agent.

As for the Revis comment, I understand it. They are the Bengals next opponent and he wants to get under their skin. But as for Roethlisberger, what did you want him to do, charge back at Seymour? Get up and slap him back? Maybe in hockey they keep on ticking, but football isn’t hockey. And with all of the rules implemented now, any kind of retaliation from Ben could have possibly led to an ejection also. Why take the risk, especially if you’re in the thick a playoff hunt, something the Bengals know NOTHING about? Did anyone call you soft when you were pretending to be a model during Fashion Week looking like this down the runway??

Okay… maybe they did. But we didn’t hear about it. That’s because folks minded their business! Instead of voicing your opinion on everything else going on, it’s time to voice your opinion on why your own team is now considered one of the worst in the league, even with the abundance of talent they possess. Worry about that!

Terrell Owens, please Sitcho Azz Down and STFU!

Too many times have we heard about Cleveland’s fan base in the news. From stealing seats at the old Browns Stadium to starting LeBron James jersey bonfires, the city of Cleveland have had their share of the sports spotlight- and not in a good way. Once again, they’re in the news. This time, though, someone has taken it too far.

An 8 year-old boy wearing a Jets jersey was allegedly attacked by Browns fans, shortly after the Jets beat the Browns in OT, 26-20. The family lives in the Cleveland, but the father of the boy is originally from NY. He and his son are Jets fans.

According to the boy’s mother, this is what happened:

“As [the husband] was walking, holding my son’s hand, a guy from behind tackled him. A drunken Browns fan tackled him and pulled him out of his dad’s hand. He was on the ground crying.

“Calling him a bad word, to my husband and to my son, throwing food at them…..

“He just wanted to get him out of there, out of that environment.”

Browns vice president of media relations Neal Gulkis called the incident unfortunate and disappointing, and said team officials are looking into the situation.

Listen… I know that the city of Cleveland has seen their share of sports heartbreaks over and over again. The Drive, The city losing the team for 3 years, the World Series loss to the Marlins and most recently, losing LeBron to Miami. But putting your hands on an 8-year-old fan of the road team is beyond low.

I don’t know what’s more disturbing. The fact that folks put their hands on a child, or that the father did nothing about the situation. Neither parent called the police and opted to leave instead of doing something about it. Ummm, hello… He is EIGHT years old! Either I’m calling the police or I’m going to jail, no one touches my child without some form of action.

At the end of the day, remember that sports are a form of entertainment. People have the right to cheer for whoever they want, whether we like it or not. To be upset about such a shocking lose is one thing, but to lay your hands on a child in frustration is a whole new ball game.

I would tell the city of Cleveland to stay classy but…………………………………………..

Okay, before the Terrible Towel people come swarming into my blog and write me to death with unpleasantries… this post goes out to all football fans who are a part of the 8,900+ community of such racthetness.

I was on my Facebook page this morning when I saw a new fan page that caught my eye. The page says, as follows:

Pay James Harrison’s Bogus Fine

I couldn’t make this up if I could.

So, apparently, some Steelers fan created a fan page to help Harrison pay for the $75K fine that he received on his hit against Browns WR Mohamed Massaquoi. While many have held the argument that Harrison’s hit was totally legal, the league saw otherwise and fined Harrison. Since the page started, people have posted pictures of their contributions and their letter attached to help pay for the whooping fine that Harrison received:

Whoever thought this was a great idea, lied. This is a bad idea. Let me give you a quick word of advice: GO SITCHO AZZ DOWN!

Listen, James Harrison is rich. Last year, he just signed a $51.175 million dollar contract for the next 6 seasons.- $10 million of that which he received up front. Harrison is beyond capable of paying his fine. He doesn’t need your money.

A lot of you are hard working people that work 9-5′s. I understand you’re trying to make a point to Roger Goodell and the rest of the NFL front office, but surely helping a RICH MAN pay his fine isn’t it. Write a letter. Hell, go to NY and protest at NFL headquarters. But paying for Harrison’s fine is asinine, especially since this may not be the last time he receives such a hefty fine.

Ask yourself this: Would James Harrison (or any other NFL player for that matter) put up a fund to help get you out of jail??? If you even THINK the answer is no, then maybe you should slide your money back into your pocket.

I love all 53 players on my team. But I’ll be damned if I donate a cent of my hard earned money to a fine for them. My yearly salary probably is less than one week’s paycheck for them alone! TUH!

At the very least, use your money to buy a real jersey, or a knockoff that LOOKS real, like this person should have:

Steelers and other NFL fans, go sitcho pressed azzes down!

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know by now that WR Randy Moss has been traded to the Minnesota Vikings early this morning. Moss may become the only player to ever play the entire 17-week regular season, because he missed the Vikings bye week, this past weekend. Moss’s first opponent as a Viking- The New York Jets!

Moss gets to face his former AFC East rival in a Monday Night Football matchup that’s all too familiar to the former Patriot. Moss has played Jets CB Darrelle Revis on many occasions. And while Revis has some bragging rights on the overall matchup, Randy Moss has shown us he isn’t the “slouch” that he’s portrayed to be.

Revis sounded off about Moss’s play in their last contest, saying that Moss pretty much gave up in the first meeting.

“He came out full force, early in the game. In the second half, you could tell he was kind of like putting his foot on the brake. But everybody knows that’s Randy: sometimes he comes out and plays 100 percent, sometimes he doesn’t.

“You can see the effort. Playing football, you can see the body language and the effort of people when they’re out there playing, if a guy’s going hard or if he’s hesitating. That’s just the way football is. You can see the truth comes out. I don’t know if it was frustration of him not getting the ball a lot or whatever, but you can see it.”

Ummmm…… How about you STFU Revis!

While you may have won the overall war between you and Moss, there was a battle that everyone will ALWAYS remember. The 1-handed battle, that is. If you’ve forgotten what it looked it, let me remind you:

Instead of talking trash and wearing fugly Revis Island chains, how about you get that hammy ready and see if it’s a go on Monday night! Moss has already “Mossed” you once this season. I’d really hate to see you pull a hammy the 2nd time around.

Darrelle Revis, Sitcho Azz Down!

I swear, I think I’ve said this to Brandon Marshall before. But alas, I must say this again to the Dolphins WR. It seems that Mr. Marshall isn’t too happy with constructive criticism. On the new edition of the NFL Network’s “Playbook” show, Mike Mayock, Sterling Sharpe and Solomon Wilcots talk a little about Marshall and his play against the NY Jets this past Monday night. All 3 analysts implied that during the last offensive series in the Monday Night game, Marshall looked to be fatigued, and lost a bit of steam when the game was on the line.

Well, word got back to Marshall and he wasn’t too happy about being critiqued by the guys on the show. When told about the segment, Marshall had this to say:

“Those guys are players, former players. They never coached. So they need to continue to do what they do best and stop worrying about other things that they don’t know anything about.

“What those guys are saying, that’s just them trying to sound good and sound like they know what they’re talking about. … I don’t honestly think those guys were elite players, including Sterling Sharpe. I got to turn on the film and see what he was able to do. I know he’s done some good things, but from my understanding he’s not a Hall of Fame guy.”

WHOA KIMOSABE! Slow your role, tiger!

Did Marshall really just say that?! Poor Lil Tink Tink… They hurt his wittew feewings….

Apparently Marshall doesn’t know as much about football as I thought he did, so let me break it down real quick.

In 7 short seasons in the NFL, Sharpe was a 5-time Pro Bowler and a 3-time First-Team All-Pro selection. He lead the league in receptions 3 times, TDs two times and yardage once throughout his career.  And if Marshall didn’t know before, Sharpe did all of this while going into early retirement, due to njuries.

What has Marshall done, entering his 5th season? Oh nothing… just 2 Pro Bowl selections. Not to take away his accomplishments, but I think it’s safe to say that Marshall has a ways to go to even get on Sterling Sharpe’s level, let alone talk about him not being a Hall-Of-Famer.

Maybe Marshall didn’t get the memo. Those analysts are PAID to discuss their opinion on all things football, just like you are PAID to play the game of football. No need to take it personal. And if you do, talk to the men directly, don’t use the media as an outlet to spew bitchassness at people who are simply doing their job.

Brand Marshall, go Sitcho Bitter Azz Down!